As I stared at the heart monitor that looked like a doorbell taped to my chest I had to laugh. The situation was so absurd I took a selfie and sent it to a colleague, with the caption: “If you press the button a waiter brings you a drink.”
The quip was to disguise my actual borderline embarrassment at being told my blood pressure was dangerously high and I could suffer a stroke or heart attack at any given moment.
It had started innocently enough with a visit to the doctor for dizziness I couldn’t shake off. I self-diagnosed vertigo, then promptly ignored it, too busy as a judge to give it more than a passing thought.
Eventually and reluctantly, I made a doctor’s appointment one ordinary Monday morning before work. Ten minutes later, after revealing blood pressure readings that were just below the “crisis” hypertensive zone, my GP calmly instructed me to relax and go for a walk. I did. Not much changed upon my return. I was then in day 10 of 14 for a hideous child abuse trial. Clean shirt and suit in the the car I was back in time for a 1000am restart.
I was referred to a cardiologist, who warned that, my lifestyle made me classic heart attack material, that was controlled by my ‘forever’ daily drugs. However, tests did not reveal an underlying condition. Two weeks later he delivered the good news – my heart was perfectly healthy. He then dug deeper. Could I rate my stress on a scale of one to ten? Given that my first thought on being signed off sick was not concern for my life but sheer panic at not completing a trial, I admitted that work stress had me hovering around an 11.
Looking as if he’d heard this more than a few times, he then delivered the bad news – at my age, my body was screaming at me to slow down or pay for it. I was stressed and burnt out. He told me I needed to take some significant time off work.
Often described as the “silent killer”, as it can quietly damage the body for years before symptoms develop, stress related high blood pressure affects about one in three adults. Yet half of that number aren’t even diagnosed. Despite researching and passionately writing about judicial wellness for a decade or more and knowing about stress and mental health, I hadn’t spotted the smoke signals of my own impending crisis. In truth, I’d completely ignored them.
There were warning signs I chose to bat off. Apart from my “vertigo” bouts, I suffered neck stiffness and headaches from my cheekbones up to my temples. I was exhausted to the bone and would nod off in my chambers at the desk and inevitably after dinner, clutching the remote re-watching the same Netflix episode, I would fall asleep. Yet I couldn’t relax into a deep night’s rest. “Tired but wired” is the expression, I think. There’s no point bleating about it; I’d tell myself; you’re not a frontline health worker, risking your actual life in these COVID times. Although, it turns out I was.
As the stress increased my tolerance for unexpected but otherwise natural daily events, such as those bastard commuters cutting you off or yet another hopelessly unprepared file, my heart would pound uncontrollably and I’d constantly shallow breathe. Sometimes I’d get the strangest sensation like daydreaming without much awareness of ‘the now’. I ignored it all. Truth be told, unless I’d fallen down, movie-style, clutching my heart, it wouldn’t have occurred to me that my symptoms were worrying.
It’s only looking back that I realise how low my mood had become and, again, time-poor and ignorant, I simply carried on plodding through the tunnel stumbling towards the next lot of decisions that must be made and judgements written. Mentally, it has been tougher. My natural laughter and bounce disappeared, something that didn’t go unnoticed by my worried friends and family. What they didn’t see was the large knot in my stomach every time I heard of the hurt or injustice suffered by others, judges and citizens alike.
I’m a “late boomer” and throughout most of my career “wellness” and “self-care” weren’t even words, let alone industries. Any lawyer over 45 who had full-on jobs in the Eighties and Nineties knows that discussing their mental health would have got them about as far as a door named exit. To survive and progress in the Law you did not, under any circumstances, show weakness or vulnerability.
I simply didn’t read any of the signs. I certainly didn’t respect the strength of its power and I worry for my sisters and brothers in its grip right now. Most of all I still can’t get my head around my naivety about the dangers of stress. So while it’s ridiculous to verbalise this in 2022, I felt like a loser for “allowing” stress to floor me.
My blood pressure went back to normal within weeks, thanks to a changeup of daily heart pills, a mountain of sleep. Long beach walks with the dog and an exercise bike that I’ve developed an obsession with. Since attending Dr Ian Lambies wellness training in Christchurch some months ago I’ve gradually lulled my “fight or flight” body into calm with a mixture of yoga and deep-breathing sessions and counselling. This stuff that I would once have ridiculed as a bit daft I now embrace, because it works.
So, great news last week from the CJ. Not only recognising the stressors of our service but encouraging self-help, professional assistance and providing time where these might happen.
Most importantly I repeat the very clear message JANZ has talked about to anyone with the decency and time to listen. Workload is at the heart of judicial stress. We must be accountable for work performance. However, that can no longer come at the expense of our brother and sister’s poor health and the impact that has upon our families. The missing component is caseload calibration. We have achieved much with scheduling and rostering of a judge’s work. However, these blunt tools designed only for managed justice and file velocity principles omit calibration of the type and intensity of judicial work. That calibration should involve consultation with the judge and chambers considering caseload factors including:
• Difficulty
• Complexity
• Intensity
• Case trauma and decompression time
• Adequate reflection, research and writing time
Empowering chambers to develop local protocols for calibration of a judge’s case load would allow a better work-life balance by evening out these factors. For example, allowing jurisdictions, regions or chambers to adopt local best practise to establish calibration rules:
• around allocation of realistic blocks of time for individual tasks,
• sensible time for preparation, reflection and writing judgements,
• carefully scheduling heavier and less onerous work over a month,
• creating judge directed days that include time for decompression,
We must also lean into our individual warrants of service and relearn the gentle art of saying ‘no’. No to that early start. No to that forgone judgment writing time. No to that ‘just one more’ contested application, bail or sentence indication in that already over capped list or additional boxes of work on top of those already stacked to the ceiling. No to that additional ‘duty’ shift. No to that hearing of a hopelessly unprepared file. No to postponed leave. No to unreasonable executive demands to work in poor and under resourced conditions.
Fortified by the gentle art of saying ‘no’, we may then confidently say, ‘yes’, to navigating justice, ‘yes’ to hearing the unheard, ‘yes’ to the wisdom of a considered and durable judgement and ‘yes’ to meaningful judicial service to our communities. Most importantly ‘yes’ to our children and partners by having the time and energy to be fully present in their lives for the things that really matter.
Are you at risk of burnout?
Take the test
For each of the 15 statements below, pick the answer that best describes you from: Not at all (1 point), Rarely (2 points), Sometimes (3 points), Often (4 points), Very often (5 points).
Answer questions as you actually are (rather than how you think you should be). When you are finished, add up how many points you scored, then read the results.
1. I feel run-down and drained of physical or emotional energy.
2. I have negative thoughts about my job.
3. I am harder and less sympathetic with people than perhaps they deserve.
4. I am easily irritated by small problems, or by my co-workers and team.
5. I feel misunderstood or unappreciated by my co-workers.
6. I feel that I have no one to talk to.
7. I feel that I am achieving less than I should.
8. I feel under an unpleasant level of pressure to succeed.
9. I feel I am not getting what I want out of my job.
10. I feel that I am in the wrong organisation or the wrong profession.
11. I am frustrated with parts of my job.
12. I feel that politics or bureaucracy frustrate my ability to do a good job.
13. I feel that there is more work to do than I practically have the ability to do.
14. I feel that I do not have time to do many of the things that are important to doing a good-quality job.
15. I find that I do not have time to plan as much as I would like to.
Score
15-18 No sign of burnout here.
19-32 Little sign of burnout, unless some factors are particularly severe.
34-49 You may be at risk of burnout, particularly if several scores are high.
50-59 You are at severe risk of burnout – do something about this urgently.
60-75 You are at very severe risk of burnout – do something urgently.
This tool should not be used for medical diagnosis. Please interpret the results with common sense. For example, make allowances for any recent events that may have a disproportionate influence on your mood at the time you take the test. © Mind Tools from Emerald Works Limited 2020
What exactly is burnout?
Burnout is defined by the World Health Organisation as feelings of energy depletion or exhaustion, feelings of negativity towards one’s job and a reduced ability to cope. It’s often high achievers who are most at risk, whatever their profession, it is those who put a huge amount of pressure on themselves to do well at all times, says Siobhan Murray, who is a psychotherapist, life coach and author of The Burnout Solution.
Signs of burnout
You have a short fuse and you feel unable to cope with situations that you could normally deal with. Your ability to deal with stressful situations is reduced and you can’t find solutions to problems. You have decision fatigue. You have disrupted sleep, you are drinking more frequently or depending on unhealthy food as a coping mechanism. You have digestive issues. You still feel exhausted by the end of your weekend. A study in the Journal of Clinical Psychiatry by the Yale School of Medicine found the three primary symptoms of early burnout are increasing levels of fatigue, irritability and cynicism. The strongest predictor of burnout is feeling constantly tired and lacking one’s normal energy, says the study.
How to combat burnout
Give yourself the best chance of a good night’s sleep.
Aim to get up and go to bed at the same time every day, even at the weekend which will help regulate your circadian rhythms which will aid better sleep. Don’t take your phone to bed with you and stop sending emails and texts late at night. If you need your phone for an alarm, put it on the other side of the room.
Take more care over what and how you eat
Your sleep will be improved if you eat regular meals during the day. Have breakfast, take time to have lunch with a break. Eat foods which are good for gut health, such as yoghurt, oats, apples, root vegetables and lentils. Studies published in the journal General Psychiatry have shown that a healthy gut can reduce anxiety.
Add a quick breathing exercise into your day
Do box breathing for two minutes a couple of times a day, for example when waiting for the kettle to boil. Breathe in for four counts, hold for four counts, breath out for four counts, hold for four counts. Visualise the four sides of a box as you do it. A study published in the journal Frontiers in Psychology found that taking deep breaths and focusing on the breath reduces feelings of stress and levels of cortisol in the body.
Incorporate a short walk in to your day
Movement is crucial to your wellbeing even if you think you are too tired to do anything. But it doesn’t need to be a HIIT class or forcing yourself out for a 5km run. A short walk every day will have an impact. Researchers from the University of Cologne reported last year in the journal Physiology & Behavior that 30 minutes of moderate aerobic exercise, such as cycling or walking, is significantly better at helping us to recover from mental exhaustion than relaxing physically or watching television. Pilates and yoga are also good as they involve breathwork.
Reclaim some moments of ‘care for self’ every day
Be it going for a walk, taking time to eat your lunch outside, going to a yoga class. All these activities help relax your mind, clear your head and give you a short respite from pressure and should be part of your daily habit.
Don’t look at your phone first thing
Simple practices can help you to start the day with a sense of accomplishment. Leave a glass of water beside your bed and drink it first thing. Make your bed. If you’re commuting on public transport, listen to a podcast or audio book, and if you can, walk or cycle to work.
Keep up your social connections
Busy people can end up becoming introverts but social connections have been proven to help alleviate stress. Even picking up the phone for a chat with a friend will help.
Cut yourself some slack
Perfectionists tend to be people pleasers and are more prone to burnout. Try to develop the ability to say no.
Meditate even if for only ten minutes each morning
A review of studies in the journal Clinical Psychology Review found strong evidence that people who meditate are less likely to react with negative thoughts in times of stress.
Start with one thing first
Trying a complete overhaul of your habits and lifestyle will be overwhelming. Address one aspect first, for example making time out to have lunch.
Cut down your alcohol consumption
Remove alcohol from situations where you might normally drink. For example, try giving it a miss if you are staying in at the weekend or if you are going to an event. It’s better to change habits slowly.
Ask for help!