What the president did on his first day is nothing compared to what I’d do Autocorrect, artificial grass, and call centres — all would be banned under President Gerard.
Donald Trump signed a wad of executive orders on his first day, kick-starting his “common-sense revolution”, so it’s only fair that I get to sign mine. After all, these and other decisions he made on day one seem to boil down to what he could broadly call “Things That Get Under My Skin”. Such as electric car targets — scrap them, working from home — nada, and the Gulf of Mexico, which he will rebrand the Gulf of America. Hmm. Do you think this could be a precursor to changing the Pacific Ocean to Don Lake?
Everyone has a list of things that irritate them. I certainly do. But I vent my spleen so often that it’s hard to think of new ones. Just kidding! Where even to start?
My first executive order would be an instant fine for corporate phone call centre messages asking you to press endless digits in a ridiculous sequence designed to circulate you back to Taylor Swifty muzak interrupted by requests to hold on as “your thirty-ninth in queue” and “our efficient staff will be with you shortly”. Tui ad alert, yeah right. And a ban on autocorrect!
So tell us your top 5 executive orders and we will pick a winner, publish your choices, and send you a box of the nifty JOIY wine range to sample. Email Lara at admin@janz.nz.